We are His Portion and He is our Prize

Oh, How He loves us!

I’m daily amazed by creation. Nature is one of the most intriguing things to me. It is absolutely beautiful in Indiana this time of year. Fall is so pretty, the leaves have all changed colors, the weather is cooler, and there is just a certain smell in the air. It’s comforting.

I wish everyone shared my love for the outdoors. There is so much that deserves appreciation. We need to stop and smell the roses….literally! I’m constantly blown away by the creation that God has provided for us. And why did he do it? Why are there gorgeous flowers, thousands of different trees, mountains, valleys, beautiful fields? For one reason, because He loves us! All of creation is a display of God’s perfect and unconditional love for His children. It is just another way that our Lord can express His undying affection for us! WOW!!

The Past is a Foreign Country

I’ve come to a conclusion…I miss my past…desperately. Not all of it, just certain aspects of it. Looking back, I realize how happy I was and how good things were and I just took it all for granted. I’m in my second year of college. I thought this whole moving on, growing up thing was supposed to be great. Making new friends, enjoying life, encountering new experiences, finding out who you are. I’ll admit, my first year away from home was great. I met so many cool people, I did new and exciting things and I really thought I was growing into the woman I am supposed to be.  But now that I am back home this year, I don’t feel excited about anything. The same mundane routine every day. I drive down the same exact roads to get to school, see the same people, and deal with the same crappy Indiana weather.

Most of my friends are away at school or have in some way moved on with their lives. Some are married or in serious relationships. They have groups of new friends. They are out having fun, living life. I guess I just feel left out. I’m jealous. And that makes me incredibly sad.

I long for my old relationships. I wish I could relate to my friends in the same ways we used to. Everyday, thoughts flood my mind. I’m overwhelmed by lonliness and a desire to retreat to years past. I’m trying to understand why I feel so down about this. I’ve always known that I wouldn’t have the same friends my entire life and that circumstances would change. I was never ignorant about it, so it didn’t blindside me, but rather the feelings I’ve experienced have taken a major toll on me.

Some days I literally ache for the last few years. My heart hurts.

A Writer’s Block of Sorts

Sometimes, I want so badly to write a great post. One that will attract attention and praise for its eloquent prose and novel ideas. It’s times like these, when I can’t think of a single thing to write. My mind just goes blank. It’s frustrating to say the least. I’ve been having the same problem for a couple weeks. I have a lot of ideas, maybe eventually I’ll form one into a blog post. Author Chris Van Allsburg was quoted saying, about his writing, “there must be something to think about at the end.” I completely agree.

There’s Nothing like Waking Up to You

One of my favorite things is waking up in the morning without an alarm,  just letting my body wake up when it’s had enough sleep. I’ve been able to enjoy that luxury this semester as I only have a morning class once a week. It has been so nice. I don’t sleep in late, in fact I’m usually up no later than 9, but the simple fact that my body is waking me up rather than some annoying beeping sound blaring in my ear is great!

I love waking up and feeling the warmth of the sun gleaming through my blinds, or birds chirping outside, or a cool breeze coming in through the slightly open window. It is such a comforting feeling. I’m a simple girl, really. The smallest things capture my attention.

I also love waking up to a feeling of peace washing over me. To know that, in Christ, each day is a new day, separate from the day before, is the most wonderful blessing of all. Because of the work done on the cross, I can wake up filled with joy and peace and go about my day. By the grace of God, I don’t have to dwell and live enslaved to the sins of my past. They have been forgiven! I relish in this freedom. It is beyond words.

I love being outdoors. It is when I feel closest to God. Laying in the grass, standing in a field, walking through the woods, riding my bike down a country road. I am enthralled by the natural beauty God has graciously given to us. When the sun touches my skin or the wind blows through my hair, I am overwhelmed by God’s presence. When I look at the stars at night, I am awestruck at the magnitude of the Lord and ever reminded of my minuteness. It is ok to feel small though, because with such a great and powerful God, we have no need to in ourselves be big. “If God is for us, who can be against us?”–Romans 8:31

Midnight Epiphany

Imagine this…papers strewn everywhere, stacks of books, empty coffee cups, and an exhausted college student on the verge of crashing. That has been me for the past few nights. I have 2 exams on Monday, a quiz, and an enormous amount of reading to get done. Suffice it to say, I was incredibly stressed out. I’ve been really struggling with a chemistry class that I am taking and that makes me nervous. Grades are important to me, I want to get into med school eventually! My thoughts tend to jump from one thing to the other. When I think about my grades and school work, I start to think about my future. So, struggling with chemistry turns into never getting a job and living with my parents until I’m 48. Great picture, right?

So, here I am pouring over pages, laboriously working math problems and feeling like I’ll never get everything done when a thought came to me. God is orchestrating my life, there is no need to be this ridiculously stressed out. I mean, really!? More so, in light of eternity, my grades aren’t necessarily that important. I’m not going to be turned away from eternal life because I got a ‘B’! This is not to say that we shouldn’t work hard toward things. I think it is important to diligently work on the tasks we have before us, but to give the glory to God when we do so. With this thought, I will continue to work hard at school, but I will not let the fear of not getting an ‘A’ control my life. I was enslaved by the desire to do well. I’m not saying that desire is in itself bad, but rather the tendency to be overwhelmed with it to a point of losing sight of God.

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.–Colossians 3:2

We’ve Been Summoned by the King

By the grace of God, I’ve been doing very well lately. School is great. I have a huge work load, but I am surprisingly not overwhlemed one bit. After having no choice but to transfer colleges after running into financial trouble, I thought I was going to truly dislike my new school and having to leave the campus I liked and enjoyed so much; the campus I was sure God had put me at. I have been proven wrong day after day. I’m perfectly content with living back at home and going to school. My circumstances haven’t changed the fact that I believe God purposely placed me at UT last year, but now, I realize that it was only for a short season that I was meant to be there. That doesn’t make it any less purposeful or worthwhile. I believe now, that God is directing me towards a new season of my life;  a season that involves living at home and going to a local college. I’m prepared to enter this season and gain from it what is intended. I’m happy. It is kind of a new thing for me. It took me some time to fully accept that trying to control my emotions through my own means was foolish. When I began to pursue the joy found in Christ is when I truly began to enjoy the happiness offered through an intimate relationship with the Lord. Thank you Father for the cross! AMEN!

You Cast My Sin as Far as the East is from the West!

Days like today are the type of days that offer the pleasant reminder that I constantly need of God’s faithfulness and kindness toward me. It is so easy for me to let other worldly things crowd God out of my mind. It happens almost without me realizing it. I’m continually having to stop and ask God for redirection in my spiritual life.

Simple things impress me. Let me rephrase that, things that may appear simple to others, are astounding to me. For example, the sky. It is always there, many people don’t even give it a second thought. But, have you ever truly stopped to stand in awe of the sky? I mean really, thoughtfully examined its beauty. Whether it be day or night, the sky holds new marvels every passing moment. I love that God gave us such an awesome thing to admire. What really blows my mind about it though, is that He didn’t have to make the sky pretty, but He did! I think we should learn to appreciate the small things even when they are as expansive as the sky. There is so much natural beauty around us and we barely even stop to notice it let alone be thankful for it. “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” –Psalm 19:1

Well, like I said, today served as one of those little nudges that makes me so aware of God’s presence. First of all, the weather was amazing today. The first hint of autumn has began to settle in and of course, the sky was outstanding, filled with those big, cotton ball-like clouds. I went to church, heard a great sermon, and then spent the rest of the afternoon outside at the park. It was great to be outside. I am so thankful for beautiful weather. I also, felt so close to God today. I feel so loved. It has taken constant reminders, but I am slowly convincing myself that I am indeed a beloved daughter of the Lord most high. His grace surpasses my understanding!

In the past, I’ve done my share of trying to ignore  God. Let me tell you, and I think this serves as a sort of testimony,  no matter how hard I have tried to resist God and his will for my life, and believe me I have tried rather hard, He always always always brings me back to himself and lovingly embraces me even after I fail over and over again. Every time! There hasn’t been one time I’ve strayed that God hasn’t taken me back. That is the most comforting thing I have ever encountered. “Bless the Lord, O my soul! O Lord my God, you are very great!” –Psalm 102:1 I used to think that my freedom came from refusing strict religious practices and any kind of binding relationship. I actually remembering saying to one of my close friends when she confronted me about my phase of disbelief and questioning, something along the lines of ‘I feel free when I don’t have to answer to the God of the Bible.’ That was such a dangerous and prideful misconception on my part. Now, I am fully convinced that my freedom comes only through the work done by Jesus Christ on the cross. I am blessed to be where I am right now. God has continually been faithful to preserve me and protect me and most importantly to continue to welcome me back into His arms.

Where? Down In My Heart!

I have a tendency to get really caught up in trivial things. I get wrapped up in my own issues and I completely lose sight of the bigger picture. I complain more than anyone ever should instead of just being thankful for what I have. Contentment has typically been a foreign concept to me. When I sit back and think, however, about where I am in my life and how I got here…it really just blows my mind. Yeah, I may not be at the college I thought I was going to be at a year ago. Sure, I might not thoroughly enjoy living at home again. And of course I still struggle day in and day out with my faith. But, one thing I can know for certain every moment of my life is that God is always there. ALWAYS!! That is such a comfort. So, when I really get to thinking about it, I have no reason to be anything other than content. Holy cow! This year has been crazy! I am so thankful for such a loving and merciful God. I would be nowhere without Him. Oh what grace! My prayer is that even in the face of adversity I would cling to the joy and contentment found in Jesus Christ alone.

“I will never leave you nor forsake you”–Hebrews 13:5

No matter how young I was when I first learned the song, it is still as relevent now as it was back in my Sunday School days…

I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart

Down in my heart to stay!

I’ll Go Where You Lead Me

Can you imagine living years of your life without knowing why you are here or having no idea what you are living for? Can you think of how tiring it would be to go day in and day out with no concept of any purpose? I, personally, think it would be an exhausting and discouraging existence. Wouldn’t you agree?

Life makes more sense when we live for some kind of purpose; for a specific cause rather than aimlessly going about our days. We feel valuable and needed. Life makes even more sense when we live for the upward call of our Heavenly Father. It is much more worthwhile when every aspect of our lives is geared toward Christ. I struggle with this concept a lot. I have a tendency to create my own purpose for my life and indulge in the desires of the flesh rather than pursuing the Lord and His plans for my life. I know that God has been trying to get me to open my eyes to this part of my character and help me acknowledge the need I have for a Savior. We need to trust God’s plan for our lives. If Abraham could trust the Lord when He told him to sacrifice his son, the son he had been faithfully praying for for years and wanted so desperately, then why do we find it so hard to sacrifice even our smallest of worldly desires for God.

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.–Philippians 3:14

I am easily distracted. I also feel that God is working this weakness out in me. It can be little things such as spending time on Facebook when I should be doing school work or bigger issues like completely losing sight of the Gospel and what my mission and role as a daughter of God here on earth is. Both situations are ones that should be dealt with. I started writing this post last night and as is normal for my writing style I was continually distracted by many other things. The TV was on, my brother had a friend over, I had at least 2 other windows besides WordPress open on my laptop. I would manage to write a sentence or two and then go back to checking out new pictures my friends had posted or watching a Youtube video until finally I decided it was time to go to bed.  I picked up writing about an hour or so ago and I fell into the usual cycle of writing a sentence, Facebook, e-mail, and Youtube. Then, I lost my wireless internet connection. I couldn’t connect to any network and there was no Ethernet cable in sight. I copied and pasted the post and am now finishing it up in a Word document. As silly as it may seem to some of you, I honestly feel like God did me a favor in cutting out my internet signal. This is an important issue He needed me to really write out and work through.

Living a Christ-centered life is always a work in progress. It takes some effort on our part. We need to actively pursue Christ and proclaim everyday the good work that He did through the cross. Live in a way that promotes the Gospel and makes it attractive to everyone.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.–Proverbs 3: 5-6

Unless I accept my virtues, I most certainly will be overwhelmed by my faults

I’ve been extremely frustrated lately. I’ve been working rather hard on college stuff as the new semester is rapidly appraoching. You know the feeling of working your hardest, running around like you’re crazy trying to get everything done and seeming to never actually accomplish anything? It has really felt like I’ve been spinning my wheels and getting absolutely nowhere. Endless paper work and countless trips to campus have proven that transferring schools is no easy task. I’ve got about 2 and a half weeks until classes start and I’m just hoping I can get everything done in time.