I don’t blog anymore. And for a myriad of reasons, one not being that I have a lack of things to write about. There are plenty of issues, events, thoughts, complaints…whatever…that I could spend my time sharing, but it seems that every time I sit down to actually write something out, words escape me. I suppose a life update should be in order, but I don’t much feel like doing that either.
I want to move out. Desperately. I just can’t quite afford it yet and that drives me insane.
I want to be done with my undergrad degree, but in order to afford school, I’ve had to take a minimum amount of credits which has consequently slowed my forward progress. I should really only have 3 semesters of school left after finals next week. Looking at the situation logically, I may have about 5 semesters left (and I do believe that is me being generous in an effort to not become too depressed).
I’ve become lazy. I feel like maybe I’ve lost some of my drive, which doesn’t make sense because I have everything under the sun that a girl could ever need to keep her motivated. There really is nothing holding me back from doing all the things I want and need to do.
…There’s a voice inside my head saying, ‘you’ll never reach it’…
Along with the laziness, I’ve almost lost my passion for music. I still love to play guitar and sing, but I haven’t written a new song it months and I honestly don’t feel the drive anymore to pursue anything music related. I don’t know what it is that’s changed my attitude so drastically. Sometimes, I feel like I try to focus my energy on too many things at once and when I do that, no one thing gets my full effort. I never do anything as well as I probably could if I worked more on a one track mind.
I feel like I’m in a rut. I’m stuck in a certain place in my life and I’m just spinning my wheels. It’s not getting me anywhere. And I hate that I feel that way because I don’t want it to come off as if I’m not thankful for anything. I am easily happier than I ever have been in my entire life. And I have all the tools I need to get myself out of this rut, I just haven’t quite figured out how to utilize them all yet. Some days, I feel overwhelmed. I’m just the kind of person who likes to get things done. When I don’t know how to go about a situation or fix a problem on my own, I tend to beat myself up over it. I just want things to work out.
So all that ranting to prove to you that I have absolutely nothing to write about 
And now instead of working on my 12 page history paper that is due…(I actually have no clue what the actual due date is, but I’m sure it’s sometime next week) I’m going to play Sims or something else of equal importance.
