I’ve come to a conclusion…I miss my past…desperately. Not all of it, just certain aspects of it. Looking back, I realize how happy I was and how good things were and I just took it all for granted. I’m in my second year of college. I thought this whole moving on, growing up thing was supposed to be great. Making new friends, enjoying life, encountering new experiences, finding out who you are. I’ll admit, my first year away from home was great. I met so many cool people, I did new and exciting things and I really thought I was growing into the woman I am supposed to be. But now that I am back home this year, I don’t feel excited about anything. The same mundane routine every day. I drive down the same exact roads to get to school, see the same people, and deal with the same crappy Indiana weather.
Most of my friends are away at school or have in some way moved on with their lives. Some are married or in serious relationships. They have groups of new friends. They are out having fun, living life. I guess I just feel left out. I’m jealous. And that makes me incredibly sad.
I long for my old relationships. I wish I could relate to my friends in the same ways we used to. Everyday, thoughts flood my mind. I’m overwhelmed by lonliness and a desire to retreat to years past. I’m trying to understand why I feel so down about this. I’ve always known that I wouldn’t have the same friends my entire life and that circumstances would change. I was never ignorant about it, so it didn’t blindside me, but rather the feelings I’ve experienced have taken a major toll on me.
Some days I literally ache for the last few years. My heart hurts.
I love the way you write, you are so good at it.
Well thanks! I really appreciate that!