I’m ok when you’re around

And when I’m in a storm

And my nights are cold

Reach out your hands for me to hold

I want to move out. Desperately. I just can’t quite afford it yet and that drives me insane.

I want to be done with my undergrad degree, but in order to afford school, I’ve had to take a minimum amount of credits which has consequently slowed my forward progress. I should really only have 3 semesters of school left after finals next week. Looking at the situation logically, I may have about 5 semesters left (and I do believe that is me being generous in an effort to not become too depressed).

I’ve become lazy. I feel like maybe I’ve lost some of my drive, which doesn’t make sense because I have everything under the sun that a girl could ever need to keep her motivated. There really is nothing holding me back from doing all the things I want and need to do.

…There’s a voice inside my head saying, ‘you’ll never reach it’…

Along with the laziness, I’ve almost lost my passion for music. I still love to play guitar and sing, but I haven’t written a new song it months and I honestly don’t feel the drive anymore to pursue anything music related. I don’t know what it is that’s changed my attitude so drastically. Sometimes, I feel like I try to focus my energy on too many things at once and when I do that, no one thing gets my full effort. I never do anything as well as I probably could if I worked more on a one track mind.

I feel like I’m in a rut. I’m stuck in a certain place in my life and I’m just spinning my wheels. It’s not getting me anywhere. And I hate that I feel that way because I don’t want it to come off as if I’m not thankful for anything. I am easily happier than I ever have been in my entire life. And I have all the tools I need to get myself out of this rut, I just haven’t quite figured out how to utilize them all yet. Some days, I feel overwhelmed. I’m just the kind of person who likes to get things done. When I don’t know how to go about a situation or fix a problem on my own, I tend to beat myself up over it. I just want things to work out.

So all that ranting to prove to you that I have absolutely nothing to write about

And now instead of working on my 12 page history paper that is due…(I actually have no clue what the actual due date is, but I’m sure it’s sometime next week) I’m going to play Sims or something else of equal importance.

When the people I love are hurt, it breaks my heart. I just want to comfort them in any way possible, but I usually can never even find the right words.

How do I explain this?

How my knees get weak and my heart skips a beat every time we kiss.

And I promise that I’ll feel this way…

Forever plus a thousand days

I love you

Baby let me show you

In a thousand ways ♥

Nothing has ever made my heart so extremely happy.

There is nothing in the world that can compare to how amazing you make me feel.

You make me feel so worthy of love.

I want to give you everything. The whole world. And everything in it. Because you deserve that and so much more!

You are the one. My one and only.

You make my world make sense.

I am head over heels, outta my mind, insanely, unconditionally, perfectly, happily in love with you.

I’ll do absolutely anything for you.

I’ll go to the ends of the earth to just see you smile because your smile is the sweetest thing I’ve ever known.

And your eyes are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.

You are the most gorgeous person on the planet. Inside and out.

I won’t stop until you’re happy. And I’ll love you…

…forever plus a thousand days ♥

I’m not an insensitive person by any means. I can actually tend to be overly emotional in certain situations. But I’m a musician, I throw myself into my work all the time. And because of that, it comes as a surprise to some that I can honestly say in my 21 years of life, I have never been in love. Genuinely, deeply, madly in love. It has just never happened.I can even say that I have never really believed in real love. I think that a couple can become extremely close and make things work with a lot of effort, but the idea of falling deeply in love with someone regardless of yours or the other person’s faults and loving spending every second with them that you can and being willing to lay down your life for the one you love…I’ve always had a hard time believing in that. It just never seemed real to me.

Until now.

True love is real and I’ve found it. It still feels unreal to me at times. It’s so hard for me to believe that something this amazing has happened to me, to believe that someone so wonderful would reciprocate the feelings I have for them.

At last,
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song…
For you are mine
At last…

And I don’t know how to put into words how absolutely lovely and worthwhile the entire situation makes me feel. I’ve never had this feeling before and while it is completely overwhelming (in the best way possible) and seems so unbelievable at times, it is still my favorite feeling in the entire world. I love it.

She’s the reason I get out of bed in the morning and makes me want to strive to be the very best version of myself that I can be because I know she deserves the world and so much more. I want to give her everything she is worthy of. I’m in love. True, unadulterated, genuine, selfless love.

And I don’t regret the rain
Or the nights I felt the pain
Or the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way.
Every road I had to take,
Every time my heart would break,
It was just something that I had to get through,
To get me to you.

And I’m so glad I found you!

And it is because I’ve had significant “distractions” in my life. I put distractions in quotes because the word has certain negative connotations and the events of the last month or so have been far from negative in anyway.

I’m going to work on finding the words to describe my life right now and post it eventually.

Long story short…I’ve never been happier in my 21 years of life than I am right now!